A Small Collection Of Husband and Wife Jokes !

Why divorce?

In a divorce court a woman requested the judge: “Your honor, I want to divorce my husband.”

“But why ?” asked the judge. She replied, “Because he is not faithful to me.”

The judge asked, “How do you know ?” She replied, “My lord, not a single child resembles him.”

Love Your Enemy

From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, “One month after I die I want you to marry Samy.”

“Samy! But he is your enemy !” “Yes, I know that ! I’ve suffered all these years so let him suffer now.”

Wedding Ring

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? ”

The other replied, “Yes I am, I married the wrong man.”

Why?

” Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I’d be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man’s arms.

” Why, Dad ? Tell me why!” Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, “Maybe, Son, she didn’t get the fax.”

Same Service

A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, “When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking.

Now after ten years it’s all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking.”

“Why complain?” said the counselor. “You’re still getting the same service!”

Talk About Husband

One woman told another : “My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him ?”

Cool SMS Collection !

Some things are left undone,
 some words are left unsaid,
some feelings are left unexpressed,
but someone as sweet as you could never be left unmissed.
 
If I met you on tomorrow
I would still give you my heart If you should say,
“do you still love me?” I’d say,
“Till death do us part”

Best wishes to you both on ur anniversary,
May the love that you share Last your lifetime through,
As you make a wonderful pair.
 
On this special day,
best wishes go to you,
that this wonderful love u share,
lasts your lifetime through.
 
I’ll always remember the day I married you,
Without you my love, my beauty, I don’t know what I’d do,
Your loving and thoughtful just to mention two,
I adore your sweet smile It makes me want you.

Your love makes my days Happy and bright,
Into my world you Brought pure delight
Joy beyond reason You’ve given me,
Our love is true This I can see.
 
The most important thing you fixed was on your day of leisure
When you fixed your eyes on me That day I’ll always treasure I love you.
 
I LOVE U are words just three,
which mean so much on our ANNIVERSARY.
 So, this is what i want to say,
live in my heart n there 4 ever stay…
 
I’m sending this bouquet of love
To say that I love you so much
I hope I say it often enough
I want you to know it’s true,
On this special occasion I want to remind you,
That you are my everything And my love is true.
 
I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. =)
 
Sometimes,
my mind asks. Why I miss you?
Why I care for you? Why I remember you?
Why I text you? Then my heart answered,
Mongoloids need more care! Hehehe. Now, you’re smiling! =)

Life is pretty much unpredictable.
I may not live long enough
but I won’t miss out letting you know
that life is worth living with someone like you around.
 
 
Having a good laugh with a friend like you stimulates endorphins,
the brain’s natural painkillers. So,
if you need to laugh and you can’t find a friend like yourself,
I can lend you my mirror.
 
Thank you for touching my life in ways you may never know.
My riches do not lie in material wealth,
 but in having friend like you – a precious gift from God.
 
No life ever grows great until it is focused,
dedicated, and disciplined.
But no life is ever happy until it is lived for the glory of God. Keep the faith.

A smile is the best lighting system of the face,
the best cooling system of the head,
and the best warming system of the heart. Keep smiling! =)
 
Don’t wait until it’s too late to tell someone how much you love,
how much you care. Because when they’re gone,
no matter how loud you shout and cry,
they won’t hear you anymore.
 
Love isn’t a decision,
it’s a feeling. If we could decide who to love,
then, life would be much simpler,
 but then less magical.

It takes a strong heart to love.
It takes a stronger heart to continue to love after it has been hurt…
 
I’m sorry for blaming you…
For everything I just couldn’t do…
And I’ve hurt myself by hurting you…
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to hear your voice again…
Sometimes, I want to call you, but I know you won’t be there…
It’s hard to say goodbye when i
 
Remember the good times we had spent together, and the beautiful future we had dreamy of…
Darling I never wanted to create a distance between us…
Please let us bridge the gaps…

Always be Happy, always wear a smile;
Not because life is full of reasons to smile but because ur smile itself is a reason for many others to smile…
 
Someday somehow watever u prayed for will COME TRUE…
It may not be in the exact pakage u wanted…
But… It will be what GOD thinks is best for YOU…

1+1=2 eyes look at u…
12+12=24 hours thinking about u…
3+4=7 days in week missing u…
1+11=12 months I always need A SWEET PERSON like U.
 
Touch ur heart
Close ur eyes
Make a wish
Say good nite
sky so wide
Stars so bright
off the light
sleep quite quite
..(-.-)..
ZzzZZZzz
SWeet DreAms…
 
24hrs make a lovely day,
7 days make a lovely week,
52 weeks make a lovely year & knowing a
person like me will make ur life lovely..
Have a lovely day n life!**

Good FRIENDS CaRE for each Other..
CLoSE Friends UNDERSTaND each Other…
and TRUE Friends STaY forever
beyond words,
beyond time…

Ekdum Filmy Love Letter


When I am: Kareeb

There is only: Khamoshi

I want to speak: Dil Se

That’s my kind of: Ishq

I want this to be: Gupt

As I always have: Darr

That I will loose you: Sajani

And that would be great: Sadma

I am your: Mr.Aashique

But sometimes bit: Deewana

Tell me: Hum Aapke Hain Kaun

As I feel : Kuch Kuch Hota Hai

In this : Duniya Dilwalon Ki

I told you: Maine Pyar Kiya

May be : Dil To Pagal Hai

Because: Jab Pyar Kisise Hota Hai

The whole world appears as: Dushman

But anyway: Pyar To Hona Hi Tha

Boys anticipation for sex with girlfriend !

A boy decided to have a dinner with his girlfriend parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. 

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. 

That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. “Oh, I’m so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!” 

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. 

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, “I had no idea you were this religious.” 

The boy turns, and whispers back, “I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.”

Must Hindi Shayari SMS Messages Part 2 !

Umeedo ki manjil toot gayi
aankho se ashqo ki dhara beh gayi
are tumahri bhi kya izaat reh gayi
jab class ki ladki bhaiya keh gayi

kaun kehta hai dost tumse hamari judai hogi,
yeh afwah kisi aur ne udayi hogi;
shaan se rahenge aapke dil mein hum,
itne dino mein humne kuch to jagah banayi hogi

Lamha Lamha waqt guzar jayega…
Chand lamhon mein exam aa jayega…
Abhi bhi waqt hai, do line padh lo…
Warna pass kya MUNNA BHAI karvayega???
vah vah… vah vah… vah va

Aansun se palke bhigo leta hoon
Yaad teri aati hai to ro leta hoon
Socha ki bhula doon tujhe magar,
Har baar faisla badal deta hoon

Mayoos tow hoon mager hona nahi chahti
Kia karon mein ussay bhulana nahi chahti
Janti hon wo bay khaber hai mujhe se
phir bhee Uss k khayal ko dil se mitana nahi chahti ~

Badi muddat se chaha hai tumeh,
badi duaon se paaya hai tumeh,
Tujeh bhulane ki sochu bhi kaise,
Kismat ki lakiron se churaya hai tujeh!

aasaan nahi hota kisi ko bhulana.
chhe vo apna ho ya begana
dil ki baatain bas samajhta hai dil hi,
inhe kya samjhega ye zalim zamana??

Yaad karne ke liye koi cheez chahiye,
Aap nahi to aapki taswir chahiye
per taswir aapki hamaara dil behla na sakegi,
Kyonki yeh aapki tarah muskura na sakegi….

Yeh mat sochna ki hum bhool jayenge tuemhe,
Door rehkar bhi hamesha
chahenge tumhe,Agar Dost bankar raas na aaye to
Bhoot bankar darayenge tumheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Jab hum is duniya mein aate hai,
Toh kitne rishtey saath laatey hai.
Duniya mein aane ke baad hum,
Kitne naye rishtey baanthe hai.
Magar in rishto mein se sirf,
woh pyaar ka pawitra rishta hai,
Jo hum marte dum tak nibhaate hain.

Kehena hai aaj tumse,
phir kisise ye kehena nahi,
Rehena hai saath tere,
warna Duniya me rehena nahi.

Kash tumhare chere pe chicken-pox ke daag hote,
Kash tumhare chere pe chicken-pox ke daag hote,
chand to tum ho hi,
sitare bhi saath hote!!

Soft drinks Contain Dangerous Pestcides.
Insan to newspaper padh sakte hain
par janwaro ka kya hoga kyonki….
Aaj kal CHEETAH BHI PEETA HAI !

Arz kiya hai,
Tere dar par sanam hazaar baar aayenge,
Tere dar par sanam hazaar baar aayenge,
Tere dar par sanam hazaar baar aayenge,
Ghanti bajainge aur bhaag jayenge !

Gandhi bhi chala gaya,
nehru bhi mar gaya,
subhash bose ka bhi kuchh pata nahi,
aur meri bhi tabiyat thik nahi hai….
pata nahi desh ka ab kya hoga.

Zindagi mein teen cheezen kabhi bhi aa sakti hain….
PAISA….. MAUT…..
Aur….. Aur….. Aur…..
Mera SMS !

Itna khubsurat kaise muskura lete ho…..
Itna qatil kaise sharma lete ho…..
Kitni aasani se Jaan le lete ho…..
Kisi ne sikhaya hai ya bachpan se hi
kamine ho ?

Aaj didar, kal yaar, parso pyar, phir ekrar,
aur phir-intzar, phir-takrar,
phir- darar, saari mehnat-bekar,
aur akhir mein-Ek aur devdas at beer bar!

Tu chandramukhi main surajmukhi,
tu mujhse dukhi main tujhse dukhi.
Chatt se chhalang laga de,
phir tu bhi sukhi, main bhi sukhi.

1Aahat si koi aye to lagta hai ki tum ho.
Hawa koi lehrayi to lagta hai ki tum ho.
Ab tum hi batao,
kya tum kisi BHOOT se kam ho ?

Ladka: Janeman is dil mein aaja.
Ladki: Sandal nikalu kya?
Ladka: Pagli mandir
thode hi hai, aise hi aaja!!

Bhagwan se Scooter manga..
Car di; Ghar manga.. bangla diya;
dost manga toh tumhey diya..
Bhagwan ne isbar aisa zulm kyoun kiya

Kya bindaas hawa chal raheli hai,
birdy gana ga raheli hai,cow log grass eat
raheli hai,shane log sms kar rahele hain
aur dhakkan log sms padh rahele hain!!

Ikhtiyarre tabbasum ki lau ko
tarranume numayish se aghaa dena…
Jo iska matlab samajh aaye to
please mujhe bhi bata dena…..

Bachelor’s schedule…
Monday ko dosti ; Tues ko pyar ;
Wed ko shaadi ; Thus ko barbadi ;
Fri ko fighting ; Sat ko talaq ;
Sun ko rest, Mon ko phir se talash….

Ha ha ha ha hha ha ha ha ha hha ha
ho ho ho ho ho oh oh oh ooh ohh eh eh he he
hhe he he hee he he hha ha ho ho ho ho he he he………
KUCH NAHIN BAS TUMHARI
SHAKAL YAAD AA GAYI…. ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho….

Khuda kare tera mobile kho jaye.
Mile mujhe aur mera ho jaye.
Karu SMS ladkion ko naam tera aae.
Maar tujhe pade aur kaleja mera thanda ho jae.

Macchar ne jo kata… dil main mere junoon tha.
Khujli hui itni… dil be sukoon tha.
Pakada to chod diya yeh soch kar ki….
sale ki ragon main apna hi khoon tha !

Tusi bade gr8 ho, rsgule di pl8 ho,
cok di cr8 ho, ande da oml8 ho,
sms krne me bde la8 ho, jlebi di tra str8 ho.
Par jo bhi ho, tusi mere fav8 ho

Maine poocha chand se…
Kabhi dekha hai mere yaar sa hasin…..
Chand bola….
12036 entries found !

Apko MULAYAM ki akal,
LALOO ki shakal,
Mayawati ki wani,
JAYA ki jawani,
KALAM jaise baal,
ATAL jaisi chaal mile..
GOOD LUCK

Aasman me itne tare ho ki
asma na dikhai de,
Aap ki zindagi me itni khushiya ho,
ke gam na dikhai de,
HAVE A NICE DAY!

Khayalo ko kisi aahat ki aas rahati hai,
nighao ko kisi surat ki pyas hoti hai,
tere bin kisi cheez ki kami to nahi,
magar tere SMS bin tabiyat udas rahati hai…

Darde dil me gam ki kaliya khilti hai,
aab to tanhai aaksar hamse milti hai,
aapne band kiya jabse SMS karna,
MOBILE ki battery jyada chalti hai!

Andhe ke hath me “TORCH”,
Bahare ke hath me “RADIO”,
Gunge ke hath me “MIKE”,
AUR AAP KE HATH ME “MOBILE”
WAH WAH Kya Jamana Aaya hai!!!

Evolution of Man:
Shadi se pahale: HERO No. 1
Shadi ke baad: COOLIE No. 1
Shadi se pahale: Meine Pyar Kiya
Shadi ke bad: Yeh Meine kya kiya

Zindagi jaise ek saza si ho gayi hai,
gam ke sagar me is kadar kho gayi hai,
tum kar do ek SMS yeh gujarish hai meri,
tumari SMS ki adat si ho gayi hai.

Mandir mein jap karta hoon,
Masjid mein adab karta hoon,
insan se kahin bhagwan na ban jaun
isliye roz tujhko SMS karke pap karta hoon

Phulon se khoobsurat koi nahi.
Sagar se gahara koi nahi.
Aab aapki kya tarif karu…
Dost me aap jaisa…
Nalayak koi nahi!

Hame itna pyar mat karna ki
duniya me mashhoor ho jaye aur na hi itna
bewafa banana ki ham duniya ko chodne ke liye
majboor ho jaye

Ugta hua Suraj dua de aapko,
Khilta hua phool khushbu de aapko,
hum to kuch dene ke kabil nahi hai,
dene wala hazaar khushiyan de aapko!
Good Morning!

is duniya me dost kam milenge,
Is duniya me gham hi gham milenge,
jaha duniya nazar fer legi,
us mod pe dost tumhe Hum Milenge..

Aapko ashirwad mile bado se,
sahayog mile chhoto se,
Khushiya mile jag se,
pyar mile sab se,
daulat mile rab se,
yahi dua hai dil se
DIL SE!

Dil me ummido ki shama jala rakhi he,
Hamne apni alag dunia basa rakhi he,
yakin ke sath ki ayega apka SMS,
Hamne apne mobile per ankhe biccha rakhi hai…!!

Aapko miss karna roz ki bat ho gai
yaad karna aadat ki bat ho gai,
apase dur rahena kismat ki bat ho gai,
magar aapko bhulna
apane bas ke bahar ki baat ho gai!

Arz hai unki galiyon ke
chakkar kaat kaatte kutte
hamare yaar ho gaye, wo to
hamare na ho sake par hum
kutton ke sardar ho gaye…

Kuch Nasha Aapki Baat ka hai,
Kuch Nasha Dhimi Barsat ka hai,
Hame aap yuhi Sharabi maat Kahiye,
ye dil par asar aapse pahali mulakat ka hai…

Ae barish jara tham ke baras,
jab mera yaaar aa jaye to jam ke baras,
pehle n baras ki woh aa na sake,
phir itna baras ki wo jaa na sake…

Amiri ke khwab Dekhne laga,
Angreji Sharab Chakhane laga,
Baap ne kabhi Page nahi dekha,
aur beta Mobile rakhne laga!!!

Mere Marne ke baad aey dost aansoo mat bahana…
agar yaad aaye meri to seedhe upar chale aana…
Agar waha me na dikhu to samajh lena tu narak me hai…

Dushman tarse teri dosti ko,
Dost tarse teri yari ko,
Yar tarse pyar ko,
hum tarse tere DIDAR ko!

Aap kya jaano hum kitna yaad karte hain
maano ya na maano har pal fariyaad karte hain
Roz khat likhte hain CARTOON NETWORK ko

Ekdum Filmy Love Letter !

When I am: Kareeb

There is only: Khamoshi

I want to speak: Dil Se

That’s my kind of: Ishq

I want this to be: Gupt

As I always have: Darr

That I will loose you: Sajani

And that would be great: Sadma

I am your: Mr.Aashique

But sometimes bit: Deewana

Tell me: Hum Aapke Hain Kaun

As I feel : Kuch Kuch Hota Hai

In this : Duniya Dilwalon Ki

I told you: Maine Pyar Kiya

May be : Dil To Pagal Hai

Because: Jab Pyar Kisise Hota Hai

The whole world appears as: Dushman

But anyway: Pyar To Hona Hi Tha

A Few Definitions

School:  A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance:  A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that
you can die Rich.

Nurse:  A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her masters.

Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by
feminine waterpower.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of  the
Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of
either”

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that  everybody
believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and
everybody disagrees later on.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest….except that he got
caught.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are
early.

Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your
Confidence after.

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office:  A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you
actually do.

Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to
decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of  when
dead