Funny Sexy One Liner SMS Messages

Did I not see you yesterday at the mall, with a grey
jacket? No? O, than it was a rubbish bag after all! .

If I received anickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d have fivecents.

When you harrass a boy, pull his pants down and your skirt
up, because you can run faster with your skirt up than he with his pants down.

Don’t feel sad, don’t feel glue, Einstein was ugly too !

There gotta be a keg in your pants, coz I wanna tap that
ass.

Excuse me, I’m looking for a friend…do you want to be my
friend?

I’ve got the ship, you’ve got the harbor … what say we tie
up for the night?

You’re so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.

I’m fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on
earth tonight.

When I’m older, I’ll look back at all of my crowning memories, and think of the day my children were born, the day I got married, and the day that I met you.

If I could be anything, I’d love to be your bathwater.

Why don’t you come over here, sit on my lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up?

Have I seen you before? Oh, yeah, I remember – it was in the dictionary under the word FANBLEEDINGTASTIC!

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put you between F and CK

Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn’t mean much when you have a weak heart.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever.

Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, “Now that I’ve broken the ice, lets talk”

The rain makes all things beautiful.The grass & flowers 2.
If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn’t it rain on you?

I’m bigger and better than the Titanic … only 200 woman went down on the Titanic

You are a 9.999. Well, you’d be a perfect 10 if you were
with me.

You’re good at mathematics, right? Would you say 69 was a
perfect square?

BEEB! Send this message to 5 of your friends and you
will have unbelieveble sex tonight! If you break this chain, you’ll never have multiple orgasm again!

E man pays $.2,00 for a $.1,00 item that he needs, a woman pays $.1,00 for $.2,00 item that she does not need.

Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.

It is charming, incredibly handsome, extremely good, well shaped, horny,an animal in bed and it knows one French word … MOI!!

Computers are machines to help you solve problems you wouldn’t have if you didn’t have a computer.

Do you have the time? [Gives the time] No, the time to write down my number?

Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now….. sorry I will leave, I can’t find a brain.

roses are red, violets are blue, frankenstein is ugly but what the hell happened to you????

There are three girls in the sixth grade … A blond a brown and a red. Who has the biggest boops ? ………… The blond because she already reached the age of 20!!!

After the party – mum, I am not drunk, I can lay on the flour without holding on

Do you believe in helping the homeless? [If yes] Take me home with you.

Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.

God created the universe, the earth, nature, the eggs, man and saw that it was good and beautiful. God also created woman and thought : ‘I hope she will make herself up’!

HELLO, this is your mobile. There is no particular problem. I just wanted to leave your pocket, want the smell is unbearable!!!

I’m trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I’m allergic to sex.

Bigamy…………..What is the penalty for bigamy?
…………… Two mothers-in-law !

Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito ot her mother. “yes but be aware, pay attention during the applause.”

Excuse me, I am about to go home to masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.

You have the ones that think and you have the ones that do things. The worst kind are those who think that they are doing things.

This is the telephone terrorist team. While receiving this message a virus will be activated. This virus should have infected your mobile by now. Your mobile will be disabled, unless you are ugly.

Jesus says to John come forth ill give you eternal life. John came fifth he won a toaster

Do you believe that getting married on a Friday brings bad
luck ? “Of course, why would Friday be an exception?”

A girl phoned me the other day and said…Come on over, there is nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.

I love you in the mornig, I love you in the evening, but most of all, I love you when you are leaving

You used to be so ugly that your mother had to tie a steak around your neck, otherwise even the dog would not play with you

Your Daddy must have been a Baker, cos you got the nicest set of buns I’ve ever saw.

You be the Dairy Queen and I’ll be your Burger King: if you treat me right I’ll do it your way

No men, no love, No love, no sex, No sex, no childeren, No childeren, no school, No school, no homework, No homework, no problems!

Birdy birdy in the sky, left a poopie in my eye. Me don’t
care, me don’t cry, me just happy that a cow can’t fly!!

Opticians bend your the rims/frames of your glasses for they are too polite to say that your ears are in the wrong place.

You got STYLE… You got SEX-APPEAL… You got the BRAINS… and you sure as hell got the BODY….WAIT!!!!!…SORRY….wrong number

Do you think I can live for another fourty years? … Do you drink? … No! … Do you smoke? … No! … Do you visit the whores? … No! ……. Why do you want to live another fourty years?

Those beautiful eyes, that incredible body, such a brain, a sexy mouth, nice smile …. but that is enough about me, tell me how you are?

We cannot grant you a life insurance policy because you are already 102 years old. “I do not understand. It is proven statistically that at that age only few people die.”

Your provider adjusted his rates. The rate is determined by the length of your genitalia, the shorter they are, the less you pay. You can telephone for free from now on!

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